Three Loose Little Pigs+House= Pigsty

How is it that kids are capable of destroying the house so fast, seems that in this day and age kids are in the house a lot more than we were as kids, mainly because of all the weirdos in today's society and the fact that we are unable to safely let our kids play outside (I will not let my girls play out front alone at all) without parental supervision, which is not always possible. Kids+house confinement= destruction of house, I get up and clean and in two hours the house is destroyed again, often wonder if it worth the trouble when they are home but I refuse to live in a pigsty so I do what I can to have a clean house, even if it means tying them up for the rest of the day, kids+hog tying experience+rope= clean house. Keeping the kids occupied is a full time job in itself, you try video games to occupy them so you can clean and well that turns out to be nothing more than an opportunity for them to fight and the fact that the hand controller becomes nothing more than a weapon just confirms that there may actually be some truth to video games and violence, but than again that would mean that reading enourages violence, along with: playing dress up, board games, doing homework, coloring, eating, TV, showering, just breathing encourages violence among my girls, if they are awake they are fighting....I think they are practicing for the UFC when they grow up and could probably earn a hefty scholarship to the University of Ulitmate Fighting, yes my girls are champs at it, so needless to say that no matter what I try to do to keep them occupied so I can get the house cleaned just doesn't help, so I try to recruit them to help and it turns out to be more work for me in the end, it is just best to wait until they are sleeping, the only time outside of school they are not fighting, or hog tie the little pigs, yes they eat like three pigs as well live like them, but eating like pigs is whole other blog, so I will save the eating you out of house and home (at least whats left of the home) for another blog, but until than my three little pigs are trying to build three barriers to keep the BIG bad wolf (which is myself) from hog tying them so she can get her house clean and free of any signs of roast beef left from the little piggies last market trip from off the floor, off the walls, and even the ceilings...so it is off now to go and blow down some doors and hog tie some piggies, and maybe shave some piggie chins...and enjoy a clean house, if only for two hours! :)

Pleasant kids, just a tase away!!

It seems every time we Moms go to the store we are challenged with the decision to take or not to take the kids, we suddenly recall the last store adventure and that we swore to ourselves repeatedly "I am not taking the kids to the store AGAIN, this time I mean it", but than our guilty conscience kicks in and we start to get delusional and choose denial over reality and start to think, well they weren't that bad, maybe this time they will be better, I should at least give them another shot.....although statistics of past store ventures would support our initial instincts to NOT take them, we still choose to do the unthinkable yet again and again, we take them.....seems to be a pattern with us woman, how many times have we dated the jerk and said "this is it, I will NOT take him back", yet we do, and until he dumps us....we seem to set ourselves up for disappointment because we are pleasers...pleasers by nature, that God given thing that was meant to be a blessing but has also turned out to be our curse, because people take advantage of us....but God also gave us a brain, isn't his fault we forget to us it and use logical thinking, so as you guessed, I did take them but I didn't forget to use my brain....I brought along some back up....some of my best inventions, camo duct tape and my low voltage taser gun, well for now the taser is just a dog remote bark collar until I can get the kinks worked out of my prototype, kept knocking the kids out cold..not exactly my plan...anyway, I came prepared and this time I was going to win this battle, the collar was nicely disguised by an scarf (thank God it is cold out)....the camo duct tape is skin toned, comes in various tones to match any skin color ,also with various shapes of mouths to suit any face, and when they get to loud or back talk I just stick it on and no one suspects a thing, they just think I have very polite and well mannered kids, it works like a charm....I am currently working on deals to get them at every movie theater and airport so that your movie and flying experience can be a pleasant one, could you imagine a world of sitting through a movie or flight with NO screaming kids, bliss...just bliss!! The collar is one you can adjust the voltage, the lowest setting seems to work just fine for the tiny ones but for 9 yrs old and up use the mid settings... works well for when the kids start to wonder off or fight, just one click of the remote and problem solved, fighting stops....I am in the works on getting my prototype together and getting it approved for parental use, finally our problems could be solved, no more fighting or loud kids at the store, on flights, in movies....even works well at home, the sky is your limit....I use them for various things now, the kids will not get out of bed in the mornings *tase*, talk back *tase*, fight *tase*, we can now regain our sanity and have the kids we always dreamed of..imagine a world of well behaved children, it is just a tase away! And don't forget the camo duct tape, I say regain your sanity, throw out that guilt and stick it to 'em next time!!! Or you could just leave the kids at home!! ;)

More peas please, in a pod that is.

Well I guess it has come to no surprise that my kids are just a tad strange and their palates are no exception to that, my girls love green peas, yes green little round peas that most kids despise and often have trouble eating, with forks it is hard to jab them, spoons they roll off of, but my girls could eat them with chopsticks if they had to. I often find that peas usually just become an accessory to other things on kids plates they will not eat, they use them to decorate their mash potato's, and sometimes even stick them up their noses....whats up with that anyway, now that is weird, but than again we are talking about kids. I recall one day the girls kept going back for seconds, thirds and even fourths for peas one day so I sarcastically ask Macy "would you like some more peas?", she responds with an ear to ear grin and says "YES, peas make you happy!", I just giggled as she returned and got more, you could hardly see the bottom of her plate as it was, looked like it had sleeted several inches of peas right on her plate and yet that just wasn't enough. I am happy my girls love peas and they love them without all the extra butter and salt, which is even more weird but hey in this day and age I am glad that I do not have to puree, fry or smother them with cheese to get my kids to eat them, fried peas...hmmmm, maybe that will be the next big thing at the fair next season, I can see it now, they can fry mac-n-cheese guess they could peas. So today I put the peas to the test and decided to see if they really could make you feel better, make you happy as they say...after a long day and one that wasn't the greatest I could use just a little pick me up, so I made peas for dinner and I must say that there just may be something to the pea thing, I do feel better, and yes it probably wasn't as much the peas itself but the mere fact that now every time I eat them I get a boost from the the fact that there is now something sentimental to the peas, anything that makes our kids happy, makes us happy, and every time I look at peas I can't help but think of my three little "peas in a pod" and the big smile on my Macy's face as she exclaimed how peas made her feel, they make her happy and in return makes me happy!! Love my peas, in a pod that is!! Thanks to my girls for making peas something I can now enjoy, even if they aren't my favorite veggie at least they make me happy now! :)

Mornings, just give me the usual please, not!!

It was indeed a typical morning around here, three girls scrambling to get ready while I scramble to find my mind I lost some where in the midst of chaos, who knows it could be under the piles of clothes they just pulled out of their closets to find what they are wearing, or maybe it is under the piles of Cheerios on the table they spilled while pouring cereal (yes it is good they do things for themselves, teaches them responsibility, just keep telling myself that, teaches responsibility). After they leave and all is finally said and done, and believe me a lot was said....seems our inner Italian comes out in the mornings...except we are not Italian, we just turn Italian in the mornings, with the yelling and cursing each other, so we are just passionate (as the Italians, always loved that about my Italian friends "Ti amo" to all my Italian girlfriends, hope I got that right)...so where was I, "oh yea", I get home and the house is a total mess (was just cleaned the night before may I add) and still some where amongst it all is my mind, which I think has been sucked up into that black hole along with many socks, panties, stuffed animals, doll clothes, DS games, ponytail holders, headbands, lip gloss's, jewelry, homework, books, and now my mind...I am sure one day I will find the entrance to that black hole and when I get to the other side it will take me years to sift through the many things that have traveled through it, so I have just given up and excepted that there is NO sense in continuing the quest to find my sanity any longer so I have officially declared myself crazy (yes it is official people, I know you have all always wondered). So my mornings are the usual, always scrambling to do this, do that, get the kids out the door on time and still try and keep some order and sanity in the house "So like eggs on the griddle, this is the flip side of my life, can I just have them over easy for once please...scrambled is getting a tad old"!

Demon Developement...

Well since my last blog the girls have finally developed their horns, YAY....for awhile there I thought they were impacted and was in search of an Hornologist which for some reason couldn't seem to find one covered under our health plan, well maybe the Obama plan will have some, actually I am sure it will, anyway....the horns have taken some getting use to, we have had some incidences but nothing we couldn't handle so far, the hardest was getting them down from the ceiling, my bad...next time I will remember NOT to leave out the exercise trampoline in the living room, than there was bunk bed situation...lets just say that Morgan has learned not to sit up too fast in her bed and well good thing Meagan's mattress on top is thicker than six inches, now that could have been a catastrophe but thank God it wasn't, they have had to put an end to cartwheels and somersaults but hey they weren't that good at them anyway, the couch has suffered a bit from the horns, but so far so good...we have avoided any major catastrophes and from what I have read we seem to be doing good in the horn development department, and besides they have an up side .....makes it easier to stick the girls in the corner all I have to do is jab their horns in the walls like thumb tacks and they are good to go, well for at least 20 minutes..see I am not that bad, and it has cut back on the cost of staples, plus it is a lot easier than stapling them in the corner, still haven't figured out a use for them to keep the girls in bed and replace the cost of super glue, besides I am getting tired of having to stand on them for 30-60 seconds so the glue will adhere, but give me time I will find a way to use the horns for that as well. The girls haven't horned each other and I will not dare to mention that in front of them, learned not to give them any ideas. They make awesome hole punches and great for expanding belt loops, although I am concerned about the girls picking their teeth with each others horns, just doesn't seem safe or sanitary but than again they chew their toe nails, but still had to put a stop to that for safety reasons. Good thing they are retractable, never knew demons could retract their horns like vampires do their teeth, really helps out when going to school and church, any where in public really. Well, guess I better get to bed while the angels sleep..yes their horns are replaced with halos at times, only two situations I have seen so far has evoked that though, one is sleep and the other is public places, guess being at home and awake brings out the devil in them, why I love taking them places so the inner angel rules, at least most of the time! :)