Mommy Moments....

It has definitely been a while since I have blogged, and God knows I miss it! I am in the process of writing a book, and if all goes well one day you will see my picture along side of my pen name on my book. A lot of people have asked me what I am writing about, but for some odd reason I find it bad luck to divulge such information, kinda like it being bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding....hmmm, that explains a lot! I love writing, it has been an outlet for me, I am not much for chocolate, sex or small talk, so writing has helped me get through a lot of lifes ordeals. As a Mom of many, five kids to be exact, three that are triplets, I must say that I have a lot to write about, they give me a lot of ammo to put into words, and with that comes a lot of tears: tears of joy, grief, and well....stress! Being a Mom is a lot like finding out there is no Santa, you knew the stories were too good to be true, yet finding out doesn't change the result, I mean who cares how you get the toys as long as you get them!! Being a Mom is sorta like that, you have all these fantasized expectations of what being a Mom is like, but when that moment actually gets here, you realize, it is more exhausting than you ever could have imagined, but it doesn't change the result, being a Mom is worth every exhausting moment! I can't tell you how many times I have been thrown up on, hair pulled out of my head, been elbowed in the boob more times than I can count, how many times I have eaten leftovers off my shirt from the kids crumbled cookies or spilled bowls, the sleepless nights.....oh the sleepless nights, getting roughed up from breaking up fights, sore feet from stepping on various toys (dang, that hurts): the cleaning of numerous gummy bears being licked and stuck to the walls, cleaning up the toilet paper that clogs the sink and toilets, wiping off mirrors that look as though the toothpaste tube had been slaughtered and the spatter of toothpaste DNA echoed across the mirror, how is it that toothpaste spatter can travel so far, sounds like the next science project! Anyway...being a Mom is tough, you get no respect, no pay, no sleep, yet we still find it more gratifying than any job out there! Are we crazy, have we lost our minds.....nah, we are just Moms, and well, Weezers! So like eggs on a griddle this is the flip side of our lives! :)

Hedgehogs dreams and gerbils past..

So my daughters want me to get a Hedgehog, not as in the video game Sonic the Hedgehog, which I could do that, they want one of the real ones, with the poky spines and last I recall they are nocturnal..anything that will keep me up after the girls finally go to sleep (and may I mention that can be midnight some nights) is not something I feel would be safe in this house, Momma gets grumpy with lack of sleep and I can not be responsible for my actions in those moments, I would never harm an animal no matter what but my girls on the other hand is a different story, don't get me wrong they would never harm an animal intentionally (not my hippies), more like the Mice of Man kinda harm I am worried about, they would not even realize the harm they would or could inflict on such a tiny creature....every time I even think of them and a tiny creature I can't help but think of some of the gerbil incidents and well than the nightmares start coming back and I just don't know if I can go there again, let me just fill you in, and please be aware some of what I am about to share with you may be graphic in nature and not suitable for the weak hearted... we had several gerbils and they were the cutest and sweetest things in the world, would never harm a fly, than one day came along three little piggies to visit the gerbils, never really wanting to do harm, just wanted to play but the piggies had rules and were not suppose to take the sweet little gerbils out of their cage, but with cat like curiosity the piggies just couldn't resist and snuck one of the gerbils to their room, guess I should have NOT taken that bathroom break, they proceeded to play with the gerbil as a toy, more like a gag gift, and well one of them thought it would be funny to slip that wiggly furry little toy down the back of her sisters panties, her sister squealed (like a pig) and fell to the ground, yes to the ground, yes with the gerbil in her panties...at this point the girls came running out of the bedroom screaming, all I could see was one of my girls had blood all over her panties and they were all hysterical and at this point so was I, as I mentioned before the girls have delays and speech was one of them, expressive language was not their strong point so getting them to explain anything was not easy, all I can get was squalling and pointing so I went to the room, not exactly knowing what to expect or what happened, but there he lays....that poor sweet little *bug eyed* gerbil on the ground lifeless, I tried to get what happened out of them and after several minutes and piecing together the bits (no pun intended, really)...I found out that the gerbil had been flattened by my daughters fall to the ground, and as I cleaned up my daughter and lecturing all of them in the process, explaining why I have rules and one of them was to NOT take the gerbils out without parental guidance for this very reason....I couldn't help but notice the lack of empathy for the gerbil and that scared me, I mean are my girls natural born creature killers....do they get off on such things, so I explain how he would not be coming back, still no real emotion for the gerbil, so until the next doctors appointment I couldn't sleep without one eye open and locks on all the gerbil cages, well the doctor said at 5 years old that is perfectly normal, kids don't always get death and they probably think he will be coming back, they will come to the understanding of death within the next few years....I thought seriously, he was flattened, like a pancake and they did not get that, seems the doctor was right and within the next not just few years but the next few gerbil loses with each death they seemed to start to come to grips with it, and started to realize that when they squish them if not by fanny by hand or close them in a door, or feed them to the neighbors cat, they were not coming back...think the empty cages help to clear that one up for them, the cages were not replenishing themselves and that was an eye popping, eye opening experience for them and myself, taught the girls about death and taught me not to have little creatures in the house, if it is small enough to squish by fanny it is too small for us, and although it has been 4 yrs later and the girls have grown up a lot since and developed empathy I am still not sure they are ready, I mean should I let this Hedgehog be the next guinea pig (more like gerbil) and possibly suffer the consequences at the hands of my girls, do I want that kinda blood on my hands or their panties again....don't know if I am ready for that, every morning my Meagan before she ventures out of site off to class she says "love you Mom, get me a Hedgehog" and I look into those eyes and than I think about the gerbil eyes, and I am torn...to get or not get them a little creature, oh the dilemma. So again I bid you fair well and until tomorrow hope you all have a great day. So like Hedgehog wishes and gerbil filled panties these are not only the dreams of my life (or nightmares) but the squishy parts of my life.

Pantyhose and Psychosis...

Well this morning started out ok, one of the girls (Macy) got up and was getting ready, while the other two were actually moving and we were only 15 minutes into our day, not bad considering their track record. I was in a place of non-familiar territory and at this point felt as though I may be able to actually check out something online real quick and leave the girls to getting ready for one minute without supervision, I mean they are nine years old, what can happen....so as I venture to my Facebook page and proceed to look up a phone number from my inbox I suddenly hear what sounds like something out of the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, so of course I jump from my seat to see who was possibly killing who and upon arrival I notice my daughter (Macy) dismembering a pair of pantyhose , now I know how big of a pain in the arse pantyhose can be but I never recall killing a pair...she was yanking at them and screaming "there is a hole in this pair",and as I watched I couldn't help but think "bipolar" and well if there wasn't a hole in them than, there sure is now, she proceeds to throw them violently across the room and all the while we were all just a tad dazed and not sure if any of us should approach her in her time of crisis, I am not much of a risk taker these days so I kept my distance, which I think was the smartest choice or I would have been the next item dismembered, she than ran in the room and finally ventures out with a new pair of pantyhose and a smile, guessing these pantyhose are hole free...although the episode makes me question her psychosis I just chalk it off as a bad day and leave it at that, and never dare to tell her she actually has a hole in the back of her new pantyhose as well for fear of instigating another episode, so I just leave it , whats that saying "some things are better left unsaid". Well the morning is getting better and I guess Meagan started to feel left out so of course she has to have an episode as well, although Meagan's was not one of the bipolar kind, hers was one more on the level of Paranoid Schizophrenia kind, her sister is starring at her while she eats, it makes her paranoid so she screams and cries "Macy will not stop watching me eat all the time, it drives me crazy" as she attacks her and tries to dismember her sister, and all I could think of was the three words they used "drives me crazy"...now if any one knows what it is like to be driven crazy, well it is me and my daughters are my cab drivers and my destination is Mucho Loco Blvd, and it is an one way trip with NO outlet. If all it took was a hole in our pantyhose and someone starring at us to drive us crazy, well all Moms would be crazy, and yes we all know you guys (the kids) beg to differ and all Moms are crazy in your book..... in our defense, you did drive us there and drop us off at Mucho Loco Blvd, with NO outlet (may I remind you). So the girls recovered and pretty nicely, they got out the door all intact, no one dismembered, so besides the death of the pantyhose we all survived yet another morning of the usual, the usual scrambling to find ones sanity some where midst the dismembered pantyhose and dense stares, so until tomorrow I bid you all a farewell and hopefully a sane day, So like holes in my pantyhose, this is the frazzle of my life...and every tear derives from a purpose which is bound with some sentiment".

Three Loose Little Pigs+House= Pigsty

How is it that kids are capable of destroying the house so fast, seems that in this day and age kids are in the house a lot more than we were as kids, mainly because of all the weirdos in today's society and the fact that we are unable to safely let our kids play outside (I will not let my girls play out front alone at all) without parental supervision, which is not always possible. Kids+house confinement= destruction of house, I get up and clean and in two hours the house is destroyed again, often wonder if it worth the trouble when they are home but I refuse to live in a pigsty so I do what I can to have a clean house, even if it means tying them up for the rest of the day, kids+hog tying experience+rope= clean house. Keeping the kids occupied is a full time job in itself, you try video games to occupy them so you can clean and well that turns out to be nothing more than an opportunity for them to fight and the fact that the hand controller becomes nothing more than a weapon just confirms that there may actually be some truth to video games and violence, but than again that would mean that reading enourages violence, along with: playing dress up, board games, doing homework, coloring, eating, TV, showering, just breathing encourages violence among my girls, if they are awake they are fighting....I think they are practicing for the UFC when they grow up and could probably earn a hefty scholarship to the University of Ulitmate Fighting, yes my girls are champs at it, so needless to say that no matter what I try to do to keep them occupied so I can get the house cleaned just doesn't help, so I try to recruit them to help and it turns out to be more work for me in the end, it is just best to wait until they are sleeping, the only time outside of school they are not fighting, or hog tie the little pigs, yes they eat like three pigs as well live like them, but eating like pigs is whole other blog, so I will save the eating you out of house and home (at least whats left of the home) for another blog, but until than my three little pigs are trying to build three barriers to keep the BIG bad wolf (which is myself) from hog tying them so she can get her house clean and free of any signs of roast beef left from the little piggies last market trip from off the floor, off the walls, and even the ceilings...so it is off now to go and blow down some doors and hog tie some piggies, and maybe shave some piggie chins...and enjoy a clean house, if only for two hours! :)

Pleasant kids, just a tase away!!

It seems every time we Moms go to the store we are challenged with the decision to take or not to take the kids, we suddenly recall the last store adventure and that we swore to ourselves repeatedly "I am not taking the kids to the store AGAIN, this time I mean it", but than our guilty conscience kicks in and we start to get delusional and choose denial over reality and start to think, well they weren't that bad, maybe this time they will be better, I should at least give them another shot.....although statistics of past store ventures would support our initial instincts to NOT take them, we still choose to do the unthinkable yet again and again, we take them.....seems to be a pattern with us woman, how many times have we dated the jerk and said "this is it, I will NOT take him back", yet we do, and until he dumps us....we seem to set ourselves up for disappointment because we are pleasers...pleasers by nature, that God given thing that was meant to be a blessing but has also turned out to be our curse, because people take advantage of us....but God also gave us a brain, isn't his fault we forget to us it and use logical thinking, so as you guessed, I did take them but I didn't forget to use my brain....I brought along some back up....some of my best inventions, camo duct tape and my low voltage taser gun, well for now the taser is just a dog remote bark collar until I can get the kinks worked out of my prototype, kept knocking the kids out cold..not exactly my plan...anyway, I came prepared and this time I was going to win this battle, the collar was nicely disguised by an scarf (thank God it is cold out)....the camo duct tape is skin toned, comes in various tones to match any skin color ,also with various shapes of mouths to suit any face, and when they get to loud or back talk I just stick it on and no one suspects a thing, they just think I have very polite and well mannered kids, it works like a charm....I am currently working on deals to get them at every movie theater and airport so that your movie and flying experience can be a pleasant one, could you imagine a world of sitting through a movie or flight with NO screaming kids, bliss...just bliss!! The collar is one you can adjust the voltage, the lowest setting seems to work just fine for the tiny ones but for 9 yrs old and up use the mid settings... works well for when the kids start to wonder off or fight, just one click of the remote and problem solved, fighting stops....I am in the works on getting my prototype together and getting it approved for parental use, finally our problems could be solved, no more fighting or loud kids at the store, on flights, in movies....even works well at home, the sky is your limit....I use them for various things now, the kids will not get out of bed in the mornings *tase*, talk back *tase*, fight *tase*, we can now regain our sanity and have the kids we always dreamed of..imagine a world of well behaved children, it is just a tase away! And don't forget the camo duct tape, I say regain your sanity, throw out that guilt and stick it to 'em next time!!! Or you could just leave the kids at home!! ;)

More peas please, in a pod that is.

Well I guess it has come to no surprise that my kids are just a tad strange and their palates are no exception to that, my girls love green peas, yes green little round peas that most kids despise and often have trouble eating, with forks it is hard to jab them, spoons they roll off of, but my girls could eat them with chopsticks if they had to. I often find that peas usually just become an accessory to other things on kids plates they will not eat, they use them to decorate their mash potato's, and sometimes even stick them up their noses....whats up with that anyway, now that is weird, but than again we are talking about kids. I recall one day the girls kept going back for seconds, thirds and even fourths for peas one day so I sarcastically ask Macy "would you like some more peas?", she responds with an ear to ear grin and says "YES, peas make you happy!", I just giggled as she returned and got more, you could hardly see the bottom of her plate as it was, looked like it had sleeted several inches of peas right on her plate and yet that just wasn't enough. I am happy my girls love peas and they love them without all the extra butter and salt, which is even more weird but hey in this day and age I am glad that I do not have to puree, fry or smother them with cheese to get my kids to eat them, fried peas...hmmmm, maybe that will be the next big thing at the fair next season, I can see it now, they can fry mac-n-cheese guess they could peas. So today I put the peas to the test and decided to see if they really could make you feel better, make you happy as they say...after a long day and one that wasn't the greatest I could use just a little pick me up, so I made peas for dinner and I must say that there just may be something to the pea thing, I do feel better, and yes it probably wasn't as much the peas itself but the mere fact that now every time I eat them I get a boost from the the fact that there is now something sentimental to the peas, anything that makes our kids happy, makes us happy, and every time I look at peas I can't help but think of my three little "peas in a pod" and the big smile on my Macy's face as she exclaimed how peas made her feel, they make her happy and in return makes me happy!! Love my peas, in a pod that is!! Thanks to my girls for making peas something I can now enjoy, even if they aren't my favorite veggie at least they make me happy now! :)

Mornings, just give me the usual please, not!!

It was indeed a typical morning around here, three girls scrambling to get ready while I scramble to find my mind I lost some where in the midst of chaos, who knows it could be under the piles of clothes they just pulled out of their closets to find what they are wearing, or maybe it is under the piles of Cheerios on the table they spilled while pouring cereal (yes it is good they do things for themselves, teaches them responsibility, just keep telling myself that, teaches responsibility). After they leave and all is finally said and done, and believe me a lot was said....seems our inner Italian comes out in the mornings...except we are not Italian, we just turn Italian in the mornings, with the yelling and cursing each other, so we are just passionate (as the Italians, always loved that about my Italian friends "Ti amo" to all my Italian girlfriends, hope I got that right)...so where was I, "oh yea", I get home and the house is a total mess (was just cleaned the night before may I add) and still some where amongst it all is my mind, which I think has been sucked up into that black hole along with many socks, panties, stuffed animals, doll clothes, DS games, ponytail holders, headbands, lip gloss's, jewelry, homework, books, and now my mind...I am sure one day I will find the entrance to that black hole and when I get to the other side it will take me years to sift through the many things that have traveled through it, so I have just given up and excepted that there is NO sense in continuing the quest to find my sanity any longer so I have officially declared myself crazy (yes it is official people, I know you have all always wondered). So my mornings are the usual, always scrambling to do this, do that, get the kids out the door on time and still try and keep some order and sanity in the house "So like eggs on the griddle, this is the flip side of my life, can I just have them over easy for once please...scrambled is getting a tad old"!